My Morning Sickness

These days
we open our eyes
Sunlit room
open window
The soft light of the laptop screen
still open from the last life
when you fell asleep
still thinking of Japan

But morning feels like dying
and morning is like mourning
everything you've lost
forgotten beneath time
like dust beneath the bed
and broken watches in sock drawers.

We can't move
because movement admits that time exists
and if time exists then so does distance
and if distance exists so do oceans
and if oceans are real then we are far apart.

And we are.
The tragedy of reality
is that while we daydreamed
it all became true.

And i watch
i watch as she falls asleep
14 hours away
slips into darkness
faint light of her laptop screen
faint light of me
just makes her nose and cheek bones visible.

i softly whisper as she sleeps
everything i need her to know

Guilt
because i have so much
to live for
yet all i do is die
each morning
until i completely fade
each night